You Stole My Umbrella

I thought y’all didn’t use those? And yet, despite the assortment of forgotten ones available for you to take for free, with no repercussions, you took the still-wet-from-recent-use, cute, clear one from Add-A-Ball last night and – fuck you for that. I gotta find another one with afro clearance now and, again, fuck you! I literally curse you. If you didn’t leave it in a Lyft or on the bus, you dumb cow, return it when you get tired of bad shit happening to you.