Overheard in Seattle

My college newspaper used to do a section for funny snippets of overheard conversation, and I was reminded of it this week after hearing a few good ones.

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In the grocery store, a tall, bearded guy in loose hippie garb is individually ringing up bunches of kale in the self checkout instead of weighing the lot (for the record, I’m not sure which is correct). A heavyset fellow with several cases of beer in his arms is becoming visibly exasperated, and grumbles to himself:

“What all-natural fuckfest did you drag your sorry Buddhist ass out of…”

The bearded guy smiles to himself, voids the transaction, and resumes ringing up kale individually after the attendant resets the machine.

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Two young women around middle school age are having a friendly conversation at the food court, which turns into an argument after one of them brags a bit too much about a date.

Girl 1: “Oh shut up, Brian’s nice. We saw Superman, I kissed him when I got off the bus, it was fun. He’s not just waiting around to bang.”

Girl 2: inaudible comment involving the word ‘slut’

Girl 1, loudly: “I’m not the one the pediatrician had to pull a bubble wand out of, Sarah!”

Girl 2: starts crying

.

^{names/locations changed for privacy}

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From my texts:

Friend 1: lmao guys you’ll never guess who’s at [pub] tonight

Me: the ghost of ozzy osbourne

Friend 1: creepshot of Bruce Harrell holding a can of beer like he’s not quite sure what to do with it

Friend 2: smh all the candidates suddenly love Irish music when the ballets get mailed

Friend 1: he’s addressing the crowd. “we have a lot of wealthy people here, and I embrace the wealth. I don’t wealth-bash!”

Friend 2: vomiting face emoji finally someone sticking up for the rich

Friend 3 (in the car with me): Cam let’s go back for your bagpipes.

Later, at the pub as Harrell & entourage leave, I asked Friend 1, “did he actually say that?!”

Friend 1, setting fiddle down and sighing: “word for word.”

What a guy.

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If you overheard anything funny this week, put it in the comments!