To the individual who set off fireworks at 6am today, I’m coming for you

That’s right. Once I find out who you are I will plot a course for revenge against you that this city has never seen. I will use the latest AI technology to 3D print and create a latex mask of you. I will wear this mask and get as close as I can to crow fledgelings and or staring at them. This will trigger the parents to start swooping after me. I will do this for weeks until they tell all the surrounding Murders. This knowledge will be passed down for generations amongst crows. Once they spot you they will attack you with a vengeance that is told only in myth. Oh you think killing them will stop it? Not only will that make it worse, but now you’ve committed a felony by violating the Migratory Bird Act of 1918. Let’s say what I do is a crime and I get arrested. You think a jury is going to convict me when they find out what you were up to? You will not have another peaceful day in this city and best start making plans to move out of it. Just hope where you move to doesn’t have any crows there. /s