Alright, I’ve had enough. To the ragamuffins out here lighting off fireworks in the middle of Seattle’s neighborhood parks like you’re auditioning for Fast & Furious: Patriot Edition… what in the actual expired bag of Funyuns is wrong with you?
I live in this neighborhood. I have two dogs. Two! And every time one of you budget pyrotechnicians decides to treat the neighborhood park like it’s the Fourth of July in Fallujah, my pups turn into full-blown sentient earthquakes. One tries to hide behind the toilet, the other somehow climbs into the kitchen cabinet and won’t come out unless I offer him an entire rotisserie chicken and a weighted blanket.
This isn’t a firework show. This is a rogue operation run by a bunch of sparkle-happy chaos muppets who think lighting up $8 boomsticks from a gas station parking lot makes you the main character. Spoiler, you’re not the main character. You’re the side quest that gives everyone anxiety and tinnitus.
I swear, half of y’all are out here with zero regard for anyone. Babies crying. Dogs panicking. Veterans getting flashbacks. Squirrels straight up abandoning their homes and moving to Renton. And for what? A quick “BA-POW” and your buddy yelling “DUDE THAT WAS SICK” like you just cured polio?
Go to the professional shows like normal humans. You don’t need to reenact the Revolutionary War in a park next to a preschool. You’re not a firework wizard. You’re a lawn clown with access to matches.
TLDR: Stop blowing up fireworks in our neighborhood parks. You’re scaring pets, babies, and probably yourself. Be less of a dingledoodle. Go home.
submitted by /u/Individual-Net-9296
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