To the absolute legend at the MS Walk today. Yes, the one rocking the 1-inch inseam shorts and pushing a stroller like he was qualifying for the Olympic trials: We see you.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we were all deeply moved by your commitment to “high-speed contact walking.” Nothing says “charity event for a neurological disease” quite like treating a crowded sidewalk of families and people with mobility aids as your personal human bumper car course. Seriously, who shoulder checks people walking at a MS Walk? People who may not have balance, or can walk well. Literally, there are other streets you could choose for one day so this once a year sanctioned event with thousands of people can go nicely.
A few highlights from your performance:
The Aerodynamics: Truly, those shorts were a choice. I assume the lack of fabric was to reduce wind resistance while you were busy clipping the heels of elderly volunteers and people with walkers?
The Stroller Maneuvers: It’s bold to use your child as a battering ram. Very “Mad Max: Fury Road,” but with more Cheerios and less desert.
The Spatial Awareness: Or lack thereof. It takes a special kind of talent to find the only three inches of open space between two people and decide that’s where your triple-wide jogging stroller belongs…at 12 mph.
Pro Tip: Next time, if you’re looking for a race where “purposefully running into people” is the goal, maybe try a demolition derby? Or, you know, just use the passing lane like a human being.
We get it, your PR is very important. But maybe, just maybe, the walk for Multiple Sclerosis isn’t the best place to show off your “get out of my way” energy.
Stay classy, Short-Shorts.
submitted by /u/Baxter4242
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